I Can't Keep Holding on You

Untung aku nggak punya niat 'merebut'. Atau memanfaatkan status 'jomblo'nya karena diputusin tiba-tiba beberapa hari yang lalu. Because if I really did that, something happen today will crack my heart...

I dont know what to say. I was sitting on a chair in my school lobby with some friends. We were waiting for junior high school kids who want to register the national exam Try Out, held by our school student council. It was this afternoon and quite cloudy. I haven't come home yet. He has already. I was talking and joking with my friends, laughing together, but then it just stopped by her coming. Word her refers to? Ah, you do know who I am talking about.

One of my friends, Kiki, said hi to her, and started conversation. Actually Kiki was in the same Junior High School like where she is studying now, so it's not a big deal to know that they're close. Okay, I'm tired of using the word 'her' to mention his girlfriend, let's now use her initial. R. 

R came with two friends, and they intended to sign up for the Try Out. I was just silent and helping Melly to write down their name in the participants list while R still talked with Kiki. They were talking about anything, unimportant I think. But then my ears opened wider when I heard his name called. I didn't mean to overhear, I  have ears and still work well. So I just kept hearing their talks..

Akhirnya aku sampai ke pembicaraan di mana si R cerita kalo mereka putus. Kiki said that she's not too surprised. That's a normal thing, habis gini juga balikan lagi kok. And you know guys? Si R membenarkannya. Dia bilang, "emang udah balik kok mbak."

I mean WHAT?! Jantung kayak mau copot dengernya. Aku yakin nggak salah denger. But it was really rwellee startling me. Oh, I'm shocked! Aku udah memikirkannya, mereka pasti balik, tha's why aku nggak mau macem-macem. Tapi, he didn't even say anything to me! Nothing! Dia cuma meyakinkan kalo emang udah putus, dan seperti nggak tertarik membahas itu lagi. And the thing I hate the most is that we're still texting since right after the break up tragedy until now. He just act that everything's going normal. Ironic!  

"And I'm becoming discouraged, confused, and particularly scared. You automatically will be back to your girl and leave me alone, hopeless..."

hopeless,