Semoga Takdir Berpihak Padaku

Aku nggak mau kalau akhirnya aku merasa ditipu. Dipermainkan oleh takdir. Astaghfirullah.

Aku bisa terus berdiri sampai waktu yang ingin kucapai. Aku bisa terus berjalan kalau aku mau. Bahkan berlari, asal kita bersama. Ingat itu, bersama. 

Tapi apa yang terjadi kalau Tuhan berkata lain? Apa aku akan menyesal? Mungkin kamu yang menyesal? Atau justru kita malah bersyukur pernah diberi waktu untuk saling mengenal?

Aku nggak mau kalau akhirnya aku selalu di pojokan. Sendiri dan terabaikan. Aku sudah kapok. Itu terlalu pahit, sangat menyayat untuk dirasakan. Aku nggak mau kalau akhirnya... aku yang mengalah untuk kebahagiaan orang lain. Jadi singkatnya aku hanya sebagai tempat peristirahatan.

Yang jelas aku tidak akan semudah itu menyerah. Kau mau? Boleh, tapi jangan macam-macam. Nikmati saja apa yang kau punya, syukuri. Aku mohon jangan lirik apa yang dimiliki orang lain.

Aku bakal berjuang, meskipun itu sulit. Karena ini comfort zone-ku. Kamu, berjuang bersama, mau ya? Jangan biarkan aku berlari sendiri. Kalau perlu kita jalan saja pelan-pelan yang penting sampai dengan selamat.

"I wont give up on us even if the skies get rough" - Jason Mraz: I wont give up. 

Aku menghindari kalimat "aku capek" keluar dari mulutku. Karena motivasiku bisa hilang karenanya. Kalau kau mengira aku lemah, maaf sekali. Aku tidak akan menyerah, camkan itu.

Never Give Up On Me

Aku takut...

Takut dengan akhir yang yang tidak bagus. Tidak indah. Tidak menyenangkan.

Padahal aku sudah banyak sekali membayangkan cerita. Menggantungkan harapan di langit-langit.

Tapi kata Tumblr, kalo akhir cerita nggak happy ending berarti bukan akhir, bener ngga sih?

Aku belajar menyayangi ala kadarnya. Nggak berlebihan, tulus. Well, aku punya banyak kekurangan. Semoga perasaanku cukup untuk membuat kamu bisa menerimaku apa adanya.

Tapi sejujurnya... Ini benar-benar yang pertama kali. Maaf aku tidak sempurna dan sering mengecewakan.

Omaga... Aku bertekad kamu jadi yang terakhir. 

Ya, dont give up on me. Never, please... 

Terjebak Lagi

Lagi-lagi stuck di keadaan kayak gini. Secara garis besar masalahnya sama.
Tapi kenapa aku lagi Ya Allah?
Aku nggak merebut kebahagiaanmu.
Kalau kamu  merasa aku seperti itu, aku minta maaf.

Aku pasti lepaskan, kalau memang nggak ada harapan.
Terus, kebahagiaanku di mana dong? :")

Cause my best intentions keep making a mess of things. I just wanna fix it somehow.But how many time will it take to get it right?

PS: Ini postingku ke 100 \(´▽`)/ tapi maaf ya isinya kayak gini :)

sadness,

Being Single Is Not The Worst!

And then this..

Being single is hard, absolutely. I mean when people are in a special relationship, and it's just we left with no lover. Feels like dropped from the top, and being all alone. Yeah, it's so awful; I hate loneliness. Sendiri membuat kita merasa seperti "apakah akan ada Pangeran kita di luar sana? Sampai kapan kita harus menunggu? Is it not the right time?" Bad thoughts come. Terkadang bikin kita minder yang berujung pada self-destruction dan perasaan galau yang berlarut-larut..

Tapi sebenarnya bisa saja kita merubah kesendirian yang suram itu menjadi indah. Nggak mungkin juga kan terpuruk sampai mati hanya karena nggak punya pacar di umur 16 tahun? Kalau dihitung dengan skala 63 tahun umur Nabi Muhammad, 16 tahun itu masih baby, dan perjalanannya masih panjang. Ambil positifnya, kita bisa lebih mengerti diri kita sendiri; tujuan hidup dan hal apa yang ingin kita capai. Dan tentu saja, lebih fokus menghadapi sesuatu; karena nggak ada sang pacar yang menggerecoki dengan rajukan dan tuntutan perhatian. Well, being single is actually meaningful, only if we can stay positive on thinking about it ;)

Single bukan berarti Anda lemah, tetapi Anda cukup Kuat untuk menunggu orang yang pantas untuk Anda. -TweetKlik

Everyone has couple, sudah ditakdirkan. For girls, you'll find your Prince Charming. He exists out there, somewhere. If we can't found him, wait. I trust My God, He's already made up my destiny. Insya Allah... 

PS: No offense! Ini juga buat aku sendiri yang sering galau kok :D

Urghh July (⌣́_⌣̀)

Helloo today is the first of July! How time flies so fast. It has been a really tiring June for me, but I'm sure July will be tougher. Aku cuma pingin posting ini, dan kepikiran langsung ambil gambar aja gitu di Google. Not really in the mood to make it up by Photoshop things. Source-nya ada di samping gambar, ketik aja di address bar kamu.

Oh, ya. I'm not feeling really excited about this July. Realizing that I'll have a lot of hard work, that would draining my energy and time. Bakal susah main The Sims dengan secangkir susu hangat bulan ini..

"When I was a little girl, I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales, you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales, the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair." -Taylor Swift

Muncul ke Permukaan

Aku nggak pernah jadi keren.

Yeah, aneh memang bilang begitu, tapi itu kenyataannya. Siapa sih yang nggak mau jadi orang keren yang dielu-elukan? Dalam konteks ini bukan artis ya. Oke aku bangga akan diri sendiri. I appreciate and thank what God has given to me. Tapi serasa masih ada yang kurang. Aku belum menemukan aku yang sebenarnya. Jati diri kah?

Ya Allah, maaf.. Aku membuatnya semakin sulit. Aku membuat diriku percaya bahwa aku memang perlu lebih. Padahal enggak. Ini cukup kan, Tuhan? Tinggal aku yang harus pintar-pintar menggalinya lebih dalam. Lebih dalam lagi.

Mungkin belum saatnya ya, Ya Allah? Aku punya kesempatan muncul ke permukaan kan? Aku nggak mau tenggelam terus. Lama-lama bernafasnya capek..

Tapi apa benar aku punya kesempatan? Dont let me get lost, God..

Hh. Aku kekanak-kanakan ya :")

resah,

Ini Aneh. Gak Usah Dibaca Deh

Terkadang aku nggak tau harus merasa senang atau kesal saat orang bilang aku ini anak polos. Masalahnya, termasuk cukup sering orang bilang aku polos. Dan berarti cukup sering juga aku merasa senang, sekaligus kesal.

Menurut kalian? Apakah disebut "polos" itu sebuah pujian? Atau justru kata yang melecehkan karena seperti menjelaskan bahwa kita ngga tau apa-apa?

Apa sih gue ini (⌣́_⌣̀)

breathe,

I Want A Guy Like Landon Carter!

Yeah. I think he must behaved like Landon Carter, and faced just like the mixture of Landon Carter-Shane West. Cute plus charming. Gallant, with a proportional body; not a giant. NOT hard-handed and cruel. Normal haircut; no mohawk, neither spike nor long-haired. Polite. Okay, was a troublemaker at school, but then he changes into the warmest guy after knowing me. Punya mata yang "mengintimidasi" dan "berkuasa". You know, yang membuat kita ngga bosan natap matanya. Has sweet, fascinating smile only for me and normal cold smile for other girls. Can be not only a boyfriend, but also a father, a brother, and a bestfriend. Comfortable and easy to talk to. Has a shoulder to cry on, and a calm hug. Romantic, or at least he will do anything that can make me melt like an ice cream. Full of surprises u,u 

The most important thing for him is seeing me smile, and happy ofcourse. No matter how hard, how impossible my dreams are, he will always try and make efforts to make it happen. Never say NO or GIVE UP, just for appearing a smile.

Wow. SUPER WOW. \(ˇ▽ˇ)/

You may think that i'm a freak. But there's no wrong in dreaming, right? Every girl has her own guy-types, me either. But actually, having a guy that really understand girls feeling and think that girls heart are too precious to be offended, are enough. The best and enough for me. He wont break my heart and always besides. And I wont feel the pain of heartbreaking again :")

God, you hear me, you read all my mind ;) I want a guy like that.. Does he exist out there? Mooommmyy, get me one pleasssseeeeee (˘̩̩̩⌣˘̩̩̩) 

begging,

Shane West and A Walk to Remember

Bonsoir, fellas! I am now enjoying my last free day before having final school exam. Tomorrow is the day, first lesson is Chemistry then ICT. I just feel lousy, because I know I am not great at Chemistry stuffs (⌣_⌣") I planned to study right after my afternoon bath, but the reality isn't walking on the same path. I'm sitting in front of my television, staying tune on HBO. Watch a film. Yes, watch a film, instead of studying. Then I decide to study Chemistry later. Haha..

I wanna review a movie for you. I'm so excited to do that, because I'm watching it now. It maybe an old movie. Kalo ga salah rilis tahun 2002 o__0 And I regret myself of being late to watch it now, 2011. Comments: Grweaat! Fabulous! Sooo romantic (♥ε♥) Ahhh so many comments only in my thought for this movie. Check the movie poster below..

And I have this one too

Oh my God (┌','┐) film ini baguuss banget! Coba sekarang ortuku ga di rumah, aku nonton sendiri, pasti udah nangis. The main story, if you see from the cover, of course, Love. Tapi sebenernya film ini bercerita banyak hal. Cowok bengal yang suka bikin onar, Landon Carter, bisa berubah jadi cowok yang sweet dan yakin akan cita-citanya gara-gara cewek. She's Jamie Sullivan, cewek alim yang cupu, katrok, pakaiannya nggak ngikutin tren mode, but special and brilliant. Jamie mengajarkan banyak hal ke Landon, mulai dari ngapalin dialog drama, akting, menghargai orang lain, sampe ke masalah keyakinan. Awalnya Landon yang ikut-ikutan temennya suka ngeledekin si Cupu Jamie, akhirnya malah jatuh cinta. They were together as a couple. 

Tapi mulai datang konflik. Jamie ternyata mengidap leukimia akut, dan udah pasrah. Dia berhenti berobat selama dua tahun dan bersikap normal sampai ketemu Landon itu. The saddest part of this movie is that Jamie akhirnya meninggal, Landon sendirian. Tapi mereka menikah dulu sebelumnya, dan Jamie jadi cinta terakhir Landon. Meskipun udah meninggal, Landon tetep move on, justru dia berhasil mewujudkan cita-citanya jadi dokter. Dan Jamie tetep menginspirasi dia melakukan segalanya. Wonderful, eh? Landon jatuh cinta pada Jamie karena kagum akan kegigihannya, kepandaiannya dalam berkata-kata, dan bakatnya yang banyak. Terbuka lah matanya kalo Jamie itu ternyata cantik. Cantik hati, dan fisik. That's true love :")

Ohh, whatta sweet story, sweet Landon.. and very touching. Selain dari segi cerita, aku suka juga sama si Landon Carter :3 Diperankan oleh Shane West. Oke, Mandy Moore cantik, tapi aku masih suka laki. So, here is his pict!

Cuuteee isn't it? Okelah, wajahnya mencureng gitu ._. tapi buat aku justru di situ kerennya :D Alisnya deket sama mata, jadi dia pas banget jadi orang jahat. I dont know how old is he now, I haven't searched in Wikipedia, but his acting is amazing! Cowok bengal yang dingin. Cool. And he is gorgeous too! Udah lama aku ga pernah se-obsessed ini sama artis cowok. Terakhir, seingetku si Daniel Radcliffe waktu Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Robert Pattinson, boleh lah, sedikit nge-fans tapi gak freaky. But this one... Uwh (ˇOˇ)-o)ˇзˇ) Aku punya feeling, Shane West mungkin udah tua sekarang.. 27-28 kali ya? Kalo diliat sebenernya Shane West berpotensi tuh jadi Edward Cullen. Ganteng, putih, proporsional, gagah, dan mukanya garang. Kesan pertama yang harus dapet kalo kita liat cowok vampir. Tapi I think waktu casting dia udah terlalu tua, dibanding Robert yang masih 23 waktu itu. So, lose. No problem, You're sweet, that's all ╭(^▽^)╯

Allright guys! Segitu aja movie review-nya. kalian udah nonton A Walk to Remember? Disarankan cepet nonton, key? Aku udah telat 9 tahun. And my feeling is so messing up. Nyesel, kesel, blablabla. Sekarang film itu bahkan udah ga dibahas lagi, jadi aku nikmatin sendirian sementara orang-orang lain mungkin udah pada mblenger. My next planning is read the novel of this movie with the same title written by Nicholas Sparks. Aku ragu masih diterbitin, karena terbit pertama pasti sebelum tahun 2002, but I'll try to contact Gramedia. Well, finish for now, I'll post again another time. Sayonara └(∵)┐

touching,

Telat, Bodo!

White Horse - Taylor Swift

Say you're sorry

That face of an angel

Comes out just when you need it to

As I paced back and forth all this time

Cause I honestly believed in you

Holding on

The days drag on

Stupid girl,

I should have known, I should have known

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,

Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

Baby I was naive,

Got lost in your eyes

And never really had a chance

My mistake, I didn't know to be in love

You had to fight to have the upper hand

I had so many dreams

About you and me

Happy endings

Now I know

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale,

I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,

Lead her up the stairwell

This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,

I was a dreamer before you went and let me down,

Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around

And there you are on your knees,

Begging for forgiveness, begging for me

Just like I always wanted but I'm so sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale,

I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well

This is a big world, that was a small town

There in my rear view mirror disappearing now

And it's too late for you and your white horse

Now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa

Try and catch me now

Oh, it's too late

To catch me now 

I know this moment will come. You run back to me, then apologize for everything you did. Aku tahu? Oh yeah, karena dia bukan orang yang konsisten. Jelas terlihat waktu dia mengambil keputusan itu, dia masih separuh kerasukan. I think he didn't know what he wanted. Tapi aku nggak menyangka akan secepat ini.. Mikir nggak sih aku masih dalam kondisi terpuruk sekarang? Jangka waktunya masih terpaut pendek lho, kamu langsung balik. Haha, nyesel? :)

Kamu bilang "aku ngerasa salah". Harus! Kalo enggak berarti emang hati kamu batu, otak kamu mati. "Aku nyesel" "Gak akan aku ulangi lagi", I have to think twice; Oh no, think more than twice. Waktu nggak bisa dibalikin. Kesempatan itu mahal harganya, boy :) Jangan kamu kira bisa bolak-balik singgah ke aku dan dia kayak halte bis. Aku bukan cuma sekedar rumah singgah. Aku istana kolosal yang pintunya belum berhasil terbuka dengan baik. Gembok pagernya sampe hampir karatan tuh, nunggu seseorang yang bisa minyakin. Haha (˘⌣˘ )

InsyaAllah, itu bukan kamu. Kamu udah jahat. Pergi, cari aja mainan lain. Aku terlalu bagus buat jadi mainanmu. Beli aja di loakan, kalo tujuanmu cuma main-kalo-bosen-buang :)

Aku nggak nangis lho. Paling tidak, sudah mereda. Aku sadar air mataku terlalu berharga buat kamu. Inget itu baik-baik ya :)

Oh, ya mending kamu cepetan pergi deh. Males liat mukamu sih. Btw, aku pemaaf dan bukan pendendam. Jadi nggak usah sampe sujud-sujud di kakiku gitu, lagi ;) Bye!

smirk,

Choice ALWAYS Exists in Life. Face it, No Matter What.

Greeting, Twinkies! How's life? Are you doing fine? I hope so. Because life seems getting harder, and need much sweat to swallow it. Consider it a bitter pill you have to drink. 

Yeah, I'm still healthy. What a blessed. Quite many activities I've been through, and still alive. I think it's only suggestion. If you suggest yourself can do anything, so you can. This week is tough. I had a choir rehearsal for graduation preparation since about 3 weeks ago. Juga banyak rapat Passus dan OSIS. Then busy of doing school task, bentar lagi kan penjurusan kelas dua, tanggal 27 Mei. Haaa penjurusan, mimpi buruk deh (┌_┐). Dibilang takut, ya iya takut banget. Rasanya pelajaran SMA ini susah, and I still dont feel comfort here. 

What I wanna share here really is, tentang ke-nggak-pinternya sekolahku ngatur jadwal. Bikin geregetan. Aku udah ikutan latian Padus buat persiapan kelulusan. Lagunya banyak, jadi harus dateng latian. Aku suka dress yang nanti dipake anak Padus, ungu corak batik. And I really wanna join the graduation. But, the statement that say "manusia bermimpi, tapi Tuhan yang memutuskan" terjadi ke aku. Ya, itu memang bener, tapi aku ga nyangka ngalamin bahkan di saat semuanya sempurna. Aku kira semua bakal berjalan lancar, karena aku udah hapal lagu-lagunya dan excited. Ternyata... God says Not this time. Beberapa hari lalu aku dapet kabar dari senior Passus, tanggal 24 Mei ada seleksi Paskib Kabupaten di Pemda. Anak Passus yang kelas 10 ikut semua. Dan tanggal 24 itu tanggal wisuda...

I mean WHAT?! Okey, aku udah nunggu seleksi Paskib itu sejak lama, pengen ikut. Tapi gak gini jugaaaaak (╥_╥) Kenapa harinya harus samaaa Ya Allaahhh :'( Aku pikir akhirnya latian Padusku percuma. Udah berharap tinggi ternyata gini. And of course I choose the selection! Kesempatan emas kayak gitu cuma sekali setahun. But still... HH. Aku jadi superkesel sama sekolah. Emangnya gak ada yang kroscek dulu apa kapan seleksi Paskib diadain? Heran, kenapa ga tanya ke Dinas sebelumnya. Gak smart, at all (˘_˘٥) 

That's make me feel upset. I know, Life is full of choice, and you have to be ready when you required to select it one, just one. Yeah because you can't do a lot of things in a same time, rite? I think, gampang aja milihnya kalo pilihan itu yang satu membawa kebaikan, yang satu membawa keburukan. Kita pasti milih yang ngasih keuntungan buat kita kan? Orang normal pasti milih itu. But how if the one is good for us, while the other is also good? Keduanya sama-sama hal yang kita sukai dan terjadi dalam waktu yang sama. Even like that, we still have to choose! Oh, kejammmm -___-

Well, that's all. Pray for me please, I am on a little stress. Gotta study for the final exam. And wish me choose the best major, key? Pilihan pertama IPA, jelas, but then I think about Language major. Interesting too. So, dilema. And I face the choice again! Urgh ⌣́_⌣̀ See ya around! ^^

upset,

  

#2

Hey Haaaayy people! Still in contact with your own blogger? Ask to myself, I'll answer, "Yes, Iam." Because I have a looot of things I wanna share. Haha, iya lagi banyak bahan :) This time, I got another new status. Check it out..

Just that for today. Day by day her status is getting awrrsomeee  (~‾▿‾)~ Yeah, aku mangkel but can't do anything. Thanks anw :) Online and keep reading my blog! I'll update her status routinely ahahaaa :D

evil grin,

#1

Malam, Bloggers.. I realize what I feel now. No doubt, I love him. After our trip to Kaliandra, he always message me. Everytime and want to know my activities. He doesn't really care about R. Tapi jujur aku masih nggak enak banget. Apa yang aku bayangin bener-bener terjadi.

I opened her Facebook account and got this. This is the first, and make me silent. Screaming inside.

I am shocked! Dia secara nggak langsung nyebut aku tuh ⌣́_⌣̀

Terpukul. Banget. Aku nggak pernah mikir si R se-'eksis' itu (¬_¬"). She exposed that all even in her Facebook! God! Yeah, whatta child. Tapi jujur, kata-katanya oke juga. Pake inggris dan well, undirectly dia jelek-jelekin aku. She didn't know the real story. Toh mereka udah putus lagi, dan from beginning, he came to me! Bukan aku yang dateng buat dia. So sorry, but you're wrong..

PS : Sorry for the blurring. No need to know the real name :)

HAH!,

Stopping is Not That Simple

I've decided to stop.

Stop our contact, messages, jokes and make it looks like really just between 'friends'. Before my love getting bigger.. Before the feeling to have him getting stronger..

Aku udah curhat sana-sini, ya emang tipikal gampang panik dan nggak bisa mikir sendiri. And most of them said that I gotta stop. He's already been taken, that's the main reason. Mau dianggep cewek apa aku ini? Bisa-bisa kalo si R tau, langsung gembar-gembor bilang aku mau ngerebut. And neither me nor my friends want that happen.

Him : We are just friends, ga lebih :)

Me : Yes, I know. Justru itu, nggak usah smsan kalo kamu nggak ada masalah.

Him : Aku cuma pengen punya temen, kalo kamu nggak suka ya udah.

Me : Pacarmu bisa salah paham. Aku gak pengen itu bikin kalian tengkar.

Him : Hm, oke. Smsan seperlunya aja kan? Iya.

And it just ended like that. Easy, huh? Not for me. Don't you know it is too hard for me? Mess and confused. I dont know what I really feel. Whether this regret? My tears fall and could not be stopped...

messy,

I Can't Keep Holding on You

Untung aku nggak punya niat 'merebut'. Atau memanfaatkan status 'jomblo'nya karena diputusin tiba-tiba beberapa hari yang lalu. Because if I really did that, something happen today will crack my heart...

I dont know what to say. I was sitting on a chair in my school lobby with some friends. We were waiting for junior high school kids who want to register the national exam Try Out, held by our school student council. It was this afternoon and quite cloudy. I haven't come home yet. He has already. I was talking and joking with my friends, laughing together, but then it just stopped by her coming. Word her refers to? Ah, you do know who I am talking about.

One of my friends, Kiki, said hi to her, and started conversation. Actually Kiki was in the same Junior High School like where she is studying now, so it's not a big deal to know that they're close. Okay, I'm tired of using the word 'her' to mention his girlfriend, let's now use her initial. R. 

R came with two friends, and they intended to sign up for the Try Out. I was just silent and helping Melly to write down their name in the participants list while R still talked with Kiki. They were talking about anything, unimportant I think. But then my ears opened wider when I heard his name called. I didn't mean to overhear, I  have ears and still work well. So I just kept hearing their talks..

Akhirnya aku sampai ke pembicaraan di mana si R cerita kalo mereka putus. Kiki said that she's not too surprised. That's a normal thing, habis gini juga balikan lagi kok. And you know guys? Si R membenarkannya. Dia bilang, "emang udah balik kok mbak."

I mean WHAT?! Jantung kayak mau copot dengernya. Aku yakin nggak salah denger. But it was really rwellee startling me. Oh, I'm shocked! Aku udah memikirkannya, mereka pasti balik, tha's why aku nggak mau macem-macem. Tapi, he didn't even say anything to me! Nothing! Dia cuma meyakinkan kalo emang udah putus, dan seperti nggak tertarik membahas itu lagi. And the thing I hate the most is that we're still texting since right after the break up tragedy until now. He just act that everything's going normal. Ironic!  

"And I'm becoming discouraged, confused, and particularly scared. You automatically will be back to your girl and leave me alone, hopeless..."

hopeless,

Wooed!

Bonne journee, everybody! I'm posting again after two days off. So sowwyy, because of being busy in running the KTS, I couldn't go online and type everything I've been through along this two days. Yeah, now I'm here, right? So it just doesn't even matter ahahaa.

Okay, now is drizzling, and gonna be a heavy rain in quick time. Aku baru aja sampe rumah. KTS emang selesai jam sebelas siang, tapi tugasku banyak, termasuk jadwal syuting buat film agama. Iya, syuting dan syuting, udah kayak artis ibukota ajeh  (⌣_⌣) Terkadang mikir "ada-ada aja tuh guru suruh bikin film", tapi mau gimana lagi dong? Dan jadilah begini, capek banget mondar-mandir lokasi syuting sehabis ngurusin KTS. Pulang sore-sore, malemnya juga nggak pasti istirahat tenang di rumah. Luckily, aku pulang ini nggak kehujanan, fiuhh.. Enggak dulu deh buat ujan-ujanan, tipikal gampang pusing ya gini ini, repot -___-"

Terus, udah kayak gini masih ada aja yang ngajak jalan. Nyahahaa bukan "nge-date", cuma ikut dateng di upacara pembukaan lomba olahraga gitu lah di Giri Krida. Kinda such a building buat bulutangkis atau tenis. Sebenernya emang capek, tapi aku juga males di rumah -__- Nggak bisa nolak, aku pasti cabut langsung ke sana. Well, kalo nggak hujan (¬_¬) sebel. Tau sapa yang ngajak? 'Him'. Awwww nggak nahan pengen berangkaaaat T.T dia emang dipilih jadi perwakilan OSIS buat ke sana, dan aku nggak tau apa-apa. Kita sempet smsan bentar sebelum acaranya dimulai, dia kayak maksa aku ke sana gitu. I can't pretend anymore, so I just said "I'm sleepy".

Me  : Nggak ganggu? Upacara kok bisa smsan?

Him : Enggak, belum dimulai kok. Kamu ke sini dong...

Me  : Um, gak bisa. Aku baru sampe rumah masa' pergi lagi, capek.

Him : Tak jemput weees :p

Me  : Gilak. Hujan lho :o

Him : Ya nggak papa, paling basah. Asal kamu ke sini hehee..

Me  : *shy* Eh, nggak deh, repot kamunya. Lagian gak tau rumahku kan?

Him : Makanya kasih tauuu.. Rumahmu di mana? :p

Me  : Heh, males! Gak usah, wes sana upacara aja. Aku ngantuk.

Him : Ya udah deh, ini mau mulai. Kamu bobok aja, bye :)

Ahhh.. sekarang udah mulai upacaranya. Dan bener, hujannya mulai deres. So I decide to lie on a mattress and take few minutes rest. It's useful actually, cause I'm tired. Malam ini aku harus keluar lagi, latihan buat pensi besok. Ya, hari ketiga KTS adalah jadwal tampil pensi tiap kelas sesuai undian. Dan paginya berangkat jam 5 seperti hari pertama. What an exhausted! Yeah, stop sighing, really feel sleepy, Gbyee people :D

sleepeee,

Loving You is... Forbidden :(

They broke up. And it just did not end well.

We texted from about 2 hours ago, and it was there he told me the complete story. I've told you before that we're just like bestfriends, right? We share problems and give the solution? Yeah, that's what we just did. He, at least.

Itu bukan yang pertama kali, atau kedua dan ketiga. That is just like their 'habits' in making the relationship work. What a weird way -__- Their relationship has been running long enough, 1 year and 4 months. But I never really understand why they often quarreled. Even because of small things. Nggak ngerti dan heran. Aku jadi mikir, mereka ini masih saling sayang atau enggak. Dan si cewek yang selalu mengakhiri hubungan. Hmm not a good decision..

Aku bukan dokter cinta, or person who experts in romance. Aku cuma cewek biasa yang udah hampir 3 tahun jomblo, nggak manggil cowok manapun dengan panggilan spesial kayak "sayang", "sweety, atau "beybeh". Maybe sounded very strange when I'm saying "You can't be like that to your boyfriend" or "JANGAN SELINGKUH!" karena kamu pasti mikir aku nggak tau apa-apa. Tapi bertindak sebagai seorang normal, menurutku sembarangan ngomong "Putus" bukanlah hal yang bijaksana. Bisa bikin capek dan males. Nggak interest lagi buat ngelanjutin hubungan. That's what he said. He didn't even want to give an explanation to her. "Biarin aja, aku udah capek." Hh, and I just couldn't say anything but "sabar ya.. kalo masih sayang juga balik kok. Dia masih emosi."

The bad thing is... that 'break up' news had just awakened the evil side of me. There's a bit happy feeling inside my heart. A bit, really ⌣́_⌣̀. Well I don't wanna pretend a thing, but that little feeling has successfully made me jump around  ~(‾▿‾)~. I dont have any plan to, you know if you have thought it, take him or something. I'm not that insane, geez! I love him, yeah but dont want to take that so far. We're still bestfriends, that's enough for me. At least this time :)

"When you decided to have a crush in someone, and start a serious relationship with him, you have to commit it. Do it well, as best as you can. Problems come daily, maybe hourly. But use it to make you better. Face it together, don't just run like saying 'break up' words without hard-thinking. Childish. And later, you'll realize that your heart still belong to him and want him back to your side." -Me  

loving...

"Realized I love you in the fall.."

Back to December - Taylor Swift

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier then ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why

'Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving
When your birthday passed and I didn't call
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side and,
Realized I loved you in the fall
And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry
Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

But this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time

All the time

Helloooh Luviees :) Back to my blog again.. with another kind of post. Kayaknya ini posting pertama yang isinya lirik lagu ya? Taylor Swift is one of my favorite west singer, and the song above is one of my favorite playlist. What I mostly played lately. Secara keseluruhan, yang aku maksud itu album Swift yang terbaru #SpeakNow! Hampir semua lagunya kereen dan enak didenger. Semua lagunya nyata, liriknya udah kayak isi diary aja. Itu sisi spesialnya Taylor Swift.

Oh, yeah, konon katanya lagu Back to December itu didedikasikan buat Taylor Lautner, bisa dibilang mantan tersayang Taylor Swift. Begitu aku search di mana-mana, si Swift membenarkan pernyataan itu. Kalo diartikan menurut lirik, sih, Taylor Swift menyesal putus sama Taylor Lautner. Dia justru sadar kalo sebenernya sayang banget sama Lautner setelah putus. Ada juga ya yang nggak sadar sama perasaannya sendiri? Begitu kata putus itu diucapkan, bulan Desember, orang yang kita sayangi itu harus bisa menerima keputusan kita. Sedangkan kita yang kurang berpikir matang, begitu sadar kalo kita sayang banget sama orang itu dan kita menyesal, well you can't restore time :)     

So look at your heart, understand it. Do not ever decide anything before think about it carefully. 

Salam profesor cinta,

Paris, The City of Romance :')

Dari dulu, aku selalu pengen ke luar negeri. Bukannya nggak cinta tanah air atau mau berkhianat #apaansih, tapi aku penasaran sama dunia luar. Aku pengen tau kuasa Tuhan yang lain, yang indah, yang megah, yang luar biasa kerennya. Aku pengen ngerasain tinggal terutama di negara 4 musim. Indonesia cuma dua musim karena negara beriklim tropis. Setiap musim mengandung keindahannya masing-masing, aku percaya itu. I just really want to hold snow, play throwing it, and make a snowman. Cool ;)

Few days ago, I was tweeting on twitter when i felt like shoulda been checked Justin Bieber's. Udah jarang banget ngurusin JB, bosen kalik haha tapi tetep cute kok nyuuu :* Yang paling penting aku udah nggak teriak-teriak minta di-follow back sama dia .__. Masih berharap sih :| secara gue nih nge-fans. Tapi yaah apa mau dikata, dia tuh artis. Newcomer. Yeah, newcomer yang keren buanget sampe bikin kita melting. Dan boomingnya meraja dunia. So he must be really busy. I'm fine, jadi aku udah nggak merengek ke dia lagi wkwkw. If people ask: "Justin Bieber?" I'll answer: "OFC, I'm a fan!!" I'm glad to say that haha. Tapi aku pertegas lagi cuma nge-fans, nggak fanatik. Ouuuh Justin, follow me puhleaseeee T.T hahaha :D

I wanna show you one of JB's tweets on Nov, 30th 2010. It just increased my mood, occupied my mind, and touched my heart. Felt sick and stupid and sad. But also excited, a lot.. Rasanya pingin nangis. The tweet reminded me about my dreams. And made me hoping..

Can you see that? Just click the picture for a larger size. Hmm :| waktu itu dia lagi Tour ke Paris, and I really want thaaaat so bad. Sebenernya nggak hanya Paris, banyak yang lain. Amerika, Inggris, dan Forks. Untuk yang terakhir itu kota haha emang khusus. Terus, Swiss juga, aku pengen nyoba coklatnyaah rrr. Buat yang di Asia, aku pengen ke Korea. Haaaah bisa nggak yah? I have to enrich my vocabulary and fix my English better :)) Ohya, aku punya pic lain tentang Paris, udah aku publish di tumblr-ku, check this!

Wish the girl is me, looking at the Eiffel. And laughing... :') 

hear me God,